


if i won your heart baby, then i’d have something to lose

by qiannis



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gumiho Ahri, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, ahri is really sad all the time, also a tiny bit of seraphine, her girls got her though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28108869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiannis/pseuds/qiannis
Summary: It was hard, seeing someone every single day and pretending you are not head over heels in love with them. But that’s ok, Ahri was always the best at pretending.
Relationships: Ahri/Kai'Sa (League of Legends), Akali/Evelynn (League of Legends)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	if i won your heart baby, then i’d have something to lose

**Author's Note:**

> so i’ve seen happy, cute, horny kda but i’m yet to see heavy angsty really sad kda so im trying it out~ ahri focused!

For someone who has seen the world, society and everything in between fall and rise oh so many times, there were some lines that start to blur even if it’s not obvious at first. Suddenly one start to see themselves care less about otherwise important things, and notice way more little things, little gestures. Thousand years later, and you can see yourself believing way, way more in people who in tiny gestures look like they are telling the truth, from those who actually go out of their way to announce in big words and full chest that they are. It’s not an odd concept to come by, it’s actually quite natural if you think about it. 

A lot can change when you lose one of the things that are said to keep human beings sane, like the perspective of loved ones passing away, while you stay. And stay, and stay. After so much time, you’d say you’d grown used to it, that it was just part of the package, but that’d be a straight up lie. It never gets easy. Every loss is just as hard as the first one, it’s not something you can just numb yourself from. That is, of course, if you keep attaching yourself to people. If you don’t, then it gets way easier to hide the pain. You can’t hurt over someone you don’t care about. So, in that way, Ahri was not the smartest one when she started this girl group idea. Of course she would attach. Of course she would care for her band mates deeply. What the hell she was thinking? 

Was she so numb, so cold to the point she thought she could do this without any feelings at all? That she would just see the group as another one of her countless jobs she had over the years, just another little adventure she had planned to make her undetermined time on earth more bearable? And God, God she tried. She tried so hard to be the one that only sees them three like puppets that could take her to her current goal, the one she couldn’t take herself alone. But at the end, it doesn’t matter how minimum and professional she keeps her interaction with the girls, how many nights she locks herself in practice rooms and in her office, how she tries to busy herself with her clothes line so she can have an excuse to not hangout with them at post-practice dinners and at their shared mansion. Shared mansion. What a godawful idea. 

She has to watch while Akali babbles non-stop at breakfast, going enthusiastically on whatever new hobby she acquired halfway to keep her head off the stress from a new comeback, she has to watch while Evelynn sneaks caring glances to all of them while she sips her coffee on the counter entering the conversation now and then, she has to watch Kai’sa cooking them all whatever meal she just learned from that cooking reality show she loves to watch late at night, with that gentle smile on her face, like she’s oh so happy to be there with them all. It’s infuriating. It’s so, so infuriating how much Ahri cares for them. How much she grew to love them, how she considers them a family. It hurts so much. 

But she won’t show, oh no. She’ll smile along, thanking Kai’sa when she hands her a mud of her favorite tea, the lightest of blushes gracing her cheeks. She’ll laugh along Akali’s funny stories. She’ll even trade caring glances with Evelynn while she’s at it. And at that moment, it seems like nothing else matters. It seems like that moment will last forever. That they’ll be forever smiling together, at their kitchen, not a worry in the world. But then, Ahri will excuse herself to start her morning, go upstairs to take her shower, and immediately head to her office afterwards. And when she finally sits on her chair, all the documents, contracts, and just work pilled up in front of her, that she allow that flimsy shell to break. It won’t last forever, none of it will. They’ll all be gone when it’s time, and Ahri will not. She will stay like she always does, with nothing but memories and so, so much pain. 

Then again, it’s her fault. She let that happen. She thought she was being cautious, professional, but she let her walls down. And now, she cares. After so many centuries, so many experiences, she should know better. She was doing so well, it’s been such a long time since she last felt attached to someone.

It’s her fault, and she’ll have to deal with her mistakes.

**Author's Note:**

> i know this is sooooo dramatic but look,,, ahri is an old lady,,, she has had so much time to be extremely paranoid about her drama,,, 
> 
> this prologue is heavy based on all her depression and fear of losing people, trauma of loving someone and then losing them. i promise it will start to be less dramatic once we get out of her head and go to the actual interactions~
> 
> sorry about mistakes and typos, not my 1st language!


End file.
